Flaum references a story written by a classmate in the fifth grade. The story involved a tiger in a zoo who tried to escape his cage by leaping out, but every time he leaped out of one cage he landed in another one. Flaum uses this story as an example of how life works. We live in our own personal “cages,” and though we may try to escape them by taking the clear route of jumping out, there is no escape. The only way out is to leave our comfort zone and tunnel out, and in that way find our “authentic voice.”
The lyrics of the song “I Don’t Want To Be” by Gavin DeGraw encompass a way of thinking that I have more or less lived by. In general, the song speaks of being yourself, but in a more transient sense than the clichéd idea that you should always be yourself. For instance: “I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately, all I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind” – I’m not the kind of person who hates or dislikes myself or the way I act or look. There are times when I’m not happy with myself, but I never have to ask, ‘Who am I?’ I am who I am at this moment. It’s impossible for me to be anyone else but me, because everything I do is an action I myself chose to do. I sometimes see friends talking about how they hate themselves. I can’t hate myself, because I am me. To hate myself implies being outside myself and looking in, that the hate is a separate entity from myself, or even that my “self” is separate from me. But neither of them are. It’s all me. Everything I see and think and experience is a part of me. If I were to think I hate myself, the real target of my hate would probably have little to do with me and more with how I see myself through the eyes of society. And if I linger on how others see me enough to hate myself, then- well, just look back to this song. I can look at the world through the eyes of others, but I only need to look at myself through my own eyes.
It’s not that I think society has no effect on me. Because I am this self-aware, whenever I can, I acknowledge what societal factors have had an effect on the way I think or act. I acknowledge them and I accept them and let them be integrated into who I am here and now, and I don’t let myself be pressured into doing things that I don’t truly want for myself.
Aside from that, this song also fits well with the way I think in terms of being an atheist. I don’t need a higher entity in order to have peace of mind. I need only think of myself, and who I want to be, rather than who a higher entity(s) or their followers think I should be. That is my peace of mind.
All in all, this song speaks to me in that it reflects some of the inner thoughts and frustrations I have when faced with friends and people who have issues with themselves or with their identity. It gives me an outlet for that frustration, while also reminding me that I am not alone in this ‘enlightened’ way of perceiving myself and the world around me. It serves as a reminder for me of what’s really important to me when it comes to simply being alive. I can express myself how I want to without my thoughts being cluttered by things like ‘I hate myself’ or ‘I hate how I look’ or ‘Who am I?’ or the many other social pressures that seem to chain down and stifle so many people around me. This song describes the core of my howl.
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